How Weed Became Illegal by Jeff Benz

When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden he had but two rules for his creations to follow. He had placed them in this magnificent paradise, where food and nature were abundant and the world knew no sin. Evil nor temptation nor sin existed and life would be pure bliss for the two if they followed the only two rules that their creator gave them. In this paradise there existed a field of herbs and called The Magical Pasture and a tree of abundant fruit called The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. They were allowed to enjoy all the herbs of this land and eat all the fruits and foods that Mother Nature offered them besides the herbs from The Magical Pasture and the fruits from The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This seemed like a very reasonable proposal when all the abundances they were allotted were taken into account. Adam and Eve agreed to these rules and lived in perfect harmony and bliss. That was until they encountered the serpent.

“The herbs of The Magical Pasture can take you to another world and experience powerful visions” the serpent hissed at them. “God tells you to stay away to limit your power and keep you from flourishing as you should.” Adam and Eve did not know what to make of this news. God, their creator, loved them and could not possibly want to do them harm. On the other hand, something about the serpent was drawing them to listen to him, and they started to become curious about what this field had to offer them. The serpent promised them that nobody would find out and that it would not harm them. Adam was the stronger willed of the two, and rejected the serpent’s notion despite the power of manipulation he had used on him. Eve followed suit in rejection; but inside she felt a deep urge to do what the serpent had told her. The thought of the pasture consumed her for days and she was torn on what she should do.

One day as Adam slept, Eve crept away from their dwelling and wandered into the garden in search of the mysterious serpent. She hissed for him in hopes of gaining his attention. As if she was willing it to happen, the serpent magically appeared. “Yes my dear” he hissed at her “what do you call me for?”

“These herbs in The Magical Pasture that you speak of, how do I unleash the power that you say they possess?” Eve asked eagerly.

“My darling you must pick the buds off of the plants, and then you must grind these up until they are in many tiny pieces. Then you must roll these into a leaf off of one of the trees. Once you do this you must start a fire and light the rolled leaf by it. Once the end is lit, put the other end to your mouth and puff on it. You will inhale the smoke and exhale. This will give you access to the power within.” The serpent was grinning wildly and knew that he had convinced Eve to disobey God’s orders. He knew this herb would lead to apathy and the loss of ambition and had even given it his own pet name of “The Devil’s Lettuce”.

Eve disembarked with the serpent’s instructions solidified in her mind. She followed his steps one by one, and finally smoked the herb from The Magical Pasture. She instantly felt confused and relaxed. Everything seemed to be in slow motion but she did not mind. She actually found it pleasant and continued to smoke the rolled leaf until there was nothing left. She felt as if she had never felt before, and it was at this moment that God came to her.

“My child” he spoke to her sadly. “I forbade you from the herbs of this field and you have disobeyed me by the works of my nemesis Satan the serpent, who represents all the evil and sin that I wish to shield you from.” His tone grew in anger as he progressed. He collected himself and spoke solemnly “However I am a merciful, forgiving God and I will forgive you as you did not eat off of Thee Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. As long as you abstain from this act I will forgive this transgression and allow you and Adam to continue to live in paradise in The Garden of Eden.

Eve was overjoyed at God’s mercy and felt horrible for succumbing to wishes of Satan. Her and The Father parted ways and she went to journey back to Adam. For a reason she couldn't produce she started to feel an unnatural hunger that she had never encountered before. Her body was telling her that she needed to eat and she needed to eat now. She searched for food but in the dark it was hard to find. In the distance she could see the shiny golden fruit hanging from The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and she was instantly drawn to their delicious glow. She forgot all about what God has just told her and ran to the tree as fast as she could. She grabbed the fruit two at a time and ate them savagely until her heart was content, cackling in pleasure as she filled her insatiable appetite.

Being a merciful all-knowing God, God realized that Eve's first transgression led to her second and decided that it should not lead to the end of The Human Race. He allowed them to continue to live on Earth and reproduce as long as this herb was not legal for people to use except in use to relieve extreme pain. 

Ever since this day, weed has been illegal.